Mr. Goat Goes to Washington

By Brooks Sherman

Published: April 1, 2009

WASHINGTON – President Obama has consistently reaffirmed his confidence in Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, but rumors persist that a new star is rising in the President?s affections, leading to speculation of a possible shift in Cabinet personnel. Capitol Hill insiders are now quietly pointing to the figure that has accompanied the President on many of [...]

The Garlic Press Takes Stock of Its Readership

By Brooks Sherman

Published: April 1, 2009

The editorial staff of The Garlic Press convened this morning to go over their monthly reader statistics. Webmaster Markus Fleisch announced that, according to his research, five people had visited the Garlic Press website in the last 30 days.
President-for-Life Brooks Sherman angrily interrupted Markus, protesting that these findings indicated that “aside from you, Jill, Joel, [...]

Congress Quits

By Joel Turner

Published: April 1, 2009

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unexpected and decidedly unprecedented move, all 535 members of the United States Congress submitted letters of resignation to President Barack Obama’s office this afternoon.
No reports suggest that this was a concerted decision; rather, each member of the House of Representatives and the Senate coincidentally decided at the same moment that [...]

Ask the Director of Speed

By Guest Contributor

Published: April 1, 2009

Dear The Director of Speed,
My boyfriend and I often argue about action movies. This weekend I want to see 12 Rounds but he wants to see the midnight showing of What the Bleep Do We Know? at the local indie theater. He’s working on his law degree, so when I suggested that we go see [...]

Apple iPhone Creates A Gazillion New Apps

By Joel Turner

Published: April 1, 2009

SAN FRANCISCO – In a concerted effort to make the iPhone the “do all” portable device, Apple has announced that their widely popular mobile phone now has an application for virtually everything in the universe. In addition to the iPhone’s recent and popular applications including “Where did I park?” and “Zombieville USA”, Apple is now [...]

John Woo Is the Greatest Director of Our Time

By Jill McKay

Published: April 1, 2009

When you think of good directors, you undoubtedly think of Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, and M. Night Shyamalan. These three represent the epitome of quality film making: symbolism, fascinating narrative arcs, and super surprising twist endings. But there’s another, often overlooked director whose skills equal and arguably surpass those of these great film makers. His [...]