Published: January 5, 2010
Monkey Genius an Idiot, Claim Irate Scientists |
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GENEVA – Following much suspense and promise, the Hack Institute, an elite team of scientists dedicated to testing the possibilities of the Infinite Monkey Theorem, announced today that their most recent experiment has ended in failure.
Published: December 29, 2009
Poland Spring Unveils New, Cholesterol-Free Water |
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Poland Spring now joins the health-conscious trend sweeping America, as it releases its latest innovation in the competitive field of rehydration: cholesterol-free bottled water.
Published: November 13, 2009
What a Buttface. |
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BALTIMORE – Researchers at Johns Hopkins have concluded that Bobby Wilson is in fact a buttface, confirming the suspicions of his classmates at Westwood Elementary School. “Using a variety of tests, including questionnaires, IQ tests, personality tests,
Published: November 6, 2009
Study Finds Most People Do Not Care About You |
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Results of a recent study reveal the troubling fact that more than 99% of the world’s population does not care about how you are doing or feeling on a daily basis.
Published: October 30, 2009
Scientists Fascinated by Newly Discovered TNA |
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CAMBRIDGE, MA – The announcement by MIT scientists Wednesday that they’ve discovered a new type of nucleic acid, trioxynucleic acid, or TNA, has piqued the interest of scientists worldwide.
Published: October 27, 2009
Wayward Teen Wiki's Wikipedia, Unleashes Armageddon |
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What appeared to be the inquisitive pursuit of a curious teen resulted in the annihilation of all living beings on planet earth yesterday when Cos Sullivan, a ninth-grade student from Lansing, MI, typed “wikipedia” into the Wikipedia search bar.
Published: September 28, 2009
Fox News Intern Mistakenly Reports on Something That Matters |
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New York – Meaghan Nguyen, a Journalism student at Genesee Community College and intern with Fox News Channel was relieved of her sparse responsibilities yesterday after she released a story that allegedly carried an air of substance.
Published: September 1, 2009
Feed the Need |
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MONTEVIDEO – The survivors of a famous 1972 plane crash, whose harrowing plight was recounted in the best-selling book Alive and its Hollywood adaptation, are taking the lead in promoting a state-run organ donation program in their home country of Uruguay.
Published: August 31, 2009
Love Knows No Restraining Order |
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ROCKPORT, MA – Gary Thorpe reports that he is taking things with his new love interest, Susan Kent, slow for the time being. Thorpe, 53, has been seeing Kent, 12, for about three weeks now, but “doesn’t want to rush things,” electing not to let the lovely young lady see him in return.
Published: August 30, 2009
Local Company Initiates "Bring Your Illegitimate Daughter to Work Day." |
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SIOUX FALLS, SD – MidStar Energy Corp. announced yesterday that in addition to ‘Casual Saturdays’ and ‘No Lunch Break Thursdays,’ they will soon host a quarterly ‘Bring your Illegitimate Daughter to Work Day.’
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