By Alexa Darrin* It was recently discovered that, in a blatant yet cunning move, the Daily Show has stolen sensitive material from the toiling minds at the Garlic Press.
By David Sherrell WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration has recently unveiled what is fast becoming their most popular and lucrative stimulus program so far
BEAVERTON, OR – Harvey Portowitz, a homeless man who has become somewhat of a fixture on the corner of First and Cedar over the past few years, was recently spotted at a local McDonald’s ordering a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, which he then proceeded to Super Size.
STOCKTON, CA – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints brought suit against the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) today for obscenity.
CAMBRIDGE, MA – African-American scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. has filed an official grievance against the Cambridge Police Department, charging them with a criminal lack of racial bias.
Lansing, MI – Despite being inextricably linked to the deaths of three canines, an area squirrel refuses to admit or apologize for being an obstinate, sadistic asshole.
By Jamie Vaughan BOSTON – A number of recently conducted studies indicate a worrisome trend affecting law enforcement agencies today.
WASHINGTON – At approximately 8:37 a.m. this morning, the Headquarters Building of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) suffered a direct attack,
WASHINGTON, DC – The House of Representatives yesterday passed a bill which aims to provide key stimulus funds to the state of New Mexico, hoping that the financial boost will make the state less of a shithole.
Africa Officially Declared a Country; Geographically-Challenged Americans Heave Sigh of Relief | read this item By David Sherrell DUBUQUE, IA – In a move designed to alleviate increasing concerns over the average American student’s near-total ignorance of world geography, the U.S. Dept. of Education has issued a directive to U.S. teachers declaring the fabled land of Africa a “country.”
The Garlic Press Victim to Hacker From the Daily Show | 
"Cash for Clunkers" Program Infuses Billions, New Life into Foundering Health Industry | 
Homeless Vegetarian Caught With Big Mac | 
EPA Offends Mormons, Prius Owners | 
Prominent Black Academic Furious Police Did Not Arrest Evil Robot Twin | 
This Squirrel is an Asshole. | 
Decrease in Police Brutality Leads to Increase in Wussy Cops | 
FCC Headquarters Devastated by Surprise F-Bomb Attack | 
New Mexico Requests Federal Funding to Make it Not Such a Shithole | 
