Love Letter or Death Threat? Tough Call, Concede Police

By Brooks Sherman

Published: February 11, 2010

LITTLE ROCK – Authorities remain stumped by a mystery note shoved under the front door of local resident Carl Hader earlier this morning. Investigating officers cannot decide whether the anonymous message, which contains such phrases as “I melt when you smile,” “I am always watching you,” and “I want to hold your still-beating, bloody heart [...]

Turmoil in Middle East Over Proposed “Beer Summit”

By Guest Contributor

Published: December 21, 2009

by Aaron Kase Washington, DC – President Barack Obama thought he had found the solution to the decades-old Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Encouraged by the success he had earlier this summer

Super Mario Blunders

By Brooks Sherman

Published: December 14, 2009

MUSHROOM KINGDOM – Troubled celebrity and part-time public works contractor Mario was arrested downtown yesterday, following dozens of complaints about his causing havoc in the city’s sanitation system, diving down sewage drains to collect small change and assaulting citizens by jumping or viciously stomping on them.

Police Break Up Intense Game of Dreidel at Local Bar Mitzvah

By Jill McKay

Published: December 11, 2009

BROOKLYN, NY – Police broke up a heated match of dreidel today at the bar mitzvah of Abraham Feldstein. When police arrived, several guests were gathered in a circle yelling insults in Hebrew and Yiddish.

Rare Carnivorous Moustache Strikes Again

By Brooks Sherman

Published: December 4, 2009

RAINELLE, WV – Local law enforcement is warning residents throughout Greenbrier County to stay indoors, after the discovery of yet another victim in the rampage of a dangerous rogue moustache.

Nigerians Warned of Latest American Internet Scam

By Brooks Sherman

Published: November 30, 2009

ABUJA – The Nigerian government has issued a warning to its citizens, following a recent upsurge in email spam from overseas locations. Most of the internet traffic has been traced back to the United States of America, a troubled North American nation with a floundering economy.

Worst Case Scenario Simulator Spreads Joy, Fear

By Jill McKay

Published: November 23, 2009

LAS VEGAS – Little Johnny Chambers got just what he wanted for his birthday this year: the Worst Case Scenario Simulator. His parents, Bill and Martha, thought they were buying just another computer

Voices in Mass Murderer’s Head Admit: They Really Did Tell Him to Do It

By Brooks Sherman

Published: November 20, 2009

DETROIT – In a stunning reversal at the end of a long court case, the voices in the head of Frank Duffy, a man charged with the brutal slayings of over a dozen homeless people, have come forward to admit full culpability for all of the crimes.

Exasperated Pet Neuters Wayward Owner

By Brooks Sherman

Published: November 16, 2009

DUNDALK, MD – It is a classic case of “Dog bites man”: Roscoe, a 4-year-old Cocker Spaniel living at 332 Chestnut Drive, had his owner, Steven Cromberg, fixed yesterday.

Smokey Bear Unveils New Public Service Announcement: “Only YOU Can Prevent Wildfires… And If You Don’t, I Will Maul You.”

By Brooks Sherman

Published: November 9, 2009

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK – Smokey Bear, longstanding lobbyist for the influential U.S. Forest Service and the National Association of State Foresters, publicly revealed today the powerful new slogan behind which these two firms are now uniting

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