Published: October 27, 2009
Wayward Teen Wiki's Wikipedia, Unleashes Armageddon |
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What appeared to be the inquisitive pursuit of a curious teen resulted in the annihilation of all living beings on planet earth yesterday when Cos Sullivan, a ninth-grade student from Lansing, MI, typed “wikipedia” into the Wikipedia search bar.
Published: September 28, 2009
Fox News Intern Mistakenly Reports on Something That Matters |
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New York – Meaghan Nguyen, a Journalism student at Genesee Community College and intern with Fox News Channel was relieved of her sparse responsibilities yesterday after she released a story that allegedly carried an air of substance.
Published: August 30, 2009
Local Company Initiates "Bring Your Illegitimate Daughter to Work Day." |
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SIOUX FALLS, SD – MidStar Energy Corp. announced yesterday that in addition to ‘Casual Saturdays’ and ‘No Lunch Break Thursdays,’ they will soon host a quarterly ‘Bring your Illegitimate Daughter to Work Day.’
Published: July 21, 2009
This Squirrel is an Asshole. |
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Lansing, MI – Despite being inextricably linked to the deaths of three canines, an area squirrel refuses to admit or apologize for being an obstinate, sadistic asshole.
Published: June 2, 2009
"Most Interesting Man in the World" Spotted Performing Series of Uninteresting Acts |
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MEXICO CITY – The Brazilian tabloid Jornais do Brasil broke a story Sunday depicting “The Most Interesting Man in the World” unapologetically carrying out a series of uninteresting acts. Mr. The Most Interesting Man, age 58 or 67, was photographed changing the oil in his 1976 Maserati Bora, doing his ex-brother in-law’s taxes, and buying [...]
Published: June 2, 2009
New Mexico Requests Federal Funding to Make it Not Such a Shithole |
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WASHINGTON, DC – The House of Representatives yesterday passed a bill which aims to provide key stimulus funds to the state of New Mexico, hoping that the financial boost will make the state less of a shithole.
Published: June 1, 2009
U.S. Army Corps of Engineers Completes Dome Over Mexico |
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MEXICO – After not much deliberation and 2.3 trillion dollars, the United States Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) has successfully completed what is hailed as the greatest architectural achievement in human history, constructing a 756066 cubic mile dome which will completely quarantine North America’s third largest country.
Published: May 1, 2009
Community Outraged by New Art Exhibit's Inoffensive Attributes |
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MODESTO, CA – Residents of Modesto are outraged by a recent installation of artwork at the Modesto Museum of Art & History, exclaiming that it is far too inoffensive for the community to bear. “The ‘Nifty Fifties’ exhibit aims to provide museum guests with a snapshot into the past through the lens of art,” comments [...]
Published: April 1, 2009
Congress Quits |
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WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unexpected and decidedly unprecedented move, all 535 members of the United States Congress submitted letters of resignation to President Barack Obama’s office this afternoon. No reports suggest that this was a concerted decision; rather, each member of the House of Representatives and the Senate coincidentally decided at the same moment [...]
Published: April 1, 2009
Apple iPhone Creates A Gazillion New Apps |
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SAN FRANCISCO – In a concerted effort to make the iPhone the “do all” portable device, Apple has announced that their widely popular mobile phone now has an application for virtually everything in the universe. In addition to the iPhone’s recent and popular applications including “Where did I park?” and “Zombieville USA”, Apple is now [...]
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