Published: April 8, 2011
Government Shutdown May Or May Not Ruin Your Weekend, Lifekhawkins04 |
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Washington, DC – After weeks of failed negotiations and heated debates over government spending, Congress announced a shutdown of the federal government this evening, taking immediate effect. Moments after the deadline marking this historic shutdown, key members of Congress, having exhausted all resources, hung their heads in despair.
Published: April 8, 2011
Local Company Initiates 'Bring Your Illegitimate Daughter to Work Day' |
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SIOUX FALLS, SD – MidStar Energy Corp. announced yesterday that in addition to ‘Casual Saturdays’ and ‘No Lunch Break Thursdays,’ they will soon host a quarterly ‘Bring your Illegitimate Daughter to Work Day.’
Published: October 28, 2010
Woman Smells It, Concerned That Others Think She Dealt It |
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DENVER, CO – During a rather lengthy elevator ride to the 27th floor of the 1999 Broadway building, Sandra Raynolds smelled an unmistakable odoriferous funk in the elevator. Certain that one of the other three present in the tightly-quartered elevator was responsible for
Published: October 27, 2009
Wayward Teen Wiki's Wikipedia, Unleashes Armageddon |
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What appeared to be the inquisitive pursuit of a curious teen resulted in the annihilation of all living beings on planet earth yesterday when Cos Sullivan, a ninth-grade student from Lansing, MI, typed “wikipedia” into the Wikipedia search bar.
Published: September 28, 2009
Fox News Intern Mistakenly Reports on Something That Matters |
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New York – Meaghan Nguyen, a Journalism student at Genesee Community College and intern with Fox News Channel was relieved of her sparse responsibilities yesterday after she released a story that allegedly carried an air of substance.
Published: July 21, 2009
This Squirrel is an Asshole. |
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Lansing, MI – Despite being inextricably linked to the deaths of three canines, an area squirrel refuses to admit or apologize for being an obstinate, sadistic asshole.
Published: June 2, 2009
"Most Interesting Man in the World" Spotted Performing Series of Uninteresting Acts |
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MEXICO CITY – The Brazilian tabloid Jornais do Brasil broke a story Sunday depicting “The Most Interesting Man in the World” unapologetically carrying out a series of uninteresting acts. Mr. The Most Interesting Man, age 58 or 67, was photographed changing the oil in his 1976 Maserati Bora, doing his ex-brother in-law’s taxes, and buying [...]
Published: June 2, 2009
New Mexico Requests Federal Funding to Make it Not Such a Shithole |
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WASHINGTON, DC – The House of Representatives yesterday passed a bill which aims to provide key stimulus funds to the state of New Mexico, hoping that the financial boost will make the state less of a shithole.
Published: June 1, 2009
U.S. Army Corps of Engineers Completes Dome Over Mexico |
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MEXICO – After not much deliberation and 2.3 trillion dollars, the United States Army Corps of Engineers (USACE) has successfully completed what is hailed as the greatest architectural achievement in human history, constructing a 756066 cubic mile dome which will completely quarantine North America’s third largest country.
Published: May 1, 2009
Community Outraged by New Art Exhibit's Inoffensive Attributes |
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MODESTO, CA – Residents of Modesto are outraged by a recent installation of artwork at the Modesto Museum of Art & History, exclaiming that it is far too inoffensive for the community to bear. “The ‘Nifty Fifties’ exhibit aims to provide museum guests with a snapshot into the past through the lens of art,” comments [...]
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