Published: May 1, 2009
Congress Passes Defense of Weddings Act, Crazy Brides Chill Out |
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WASHINGTON – Giving into pressure from their angry constituents, the Senate today passed the Defense of Weddings Act (DOWA), which the House of Representatives passed last week by an overwhelming majority. The bill is intended to curtail the influence of Big Wedding. Senator Olympia Snowe (R-ME), one of the authors of the bill said, “Big [...]
Published: May 1, 2009
BREAKING - Columbia Students Take Over Cafeteria, Refuse to Graduate |
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NEW YORK – As of 5:45 p.m. students at Columbia University have barricaded themselves in the school cafeteria. The leader of the student rebellion, John Miller said, “We, the students of Columbia University, are following in the footsteps of our comrades at the New School and NYU and taking over the cafeteria until our demands [...]
Published: April 1, 2009
John Woo Is the Greatest Director of Our Time |
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When you think of good directors, you undoubtedly think of Alfred Hitchcock, Stanley Kubrick, and M. Night Shyamalan. These three represent the epitome of quality film making: symbolism, fascinating narrative arcs, and super surprising twist endings. But there’s another, often overlooked director whose skills equal and arguably surpass those of these great film makers. His [...]
Published: February 1, 2009
Passive Aggressive Man Saves the Day Eventually |
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SEATTLE – When a house fire across the street from the police station blazed out of control, Saturday, Seattle Police Commissioner Gordon turned on the Passive Aggressive Man signal to alert Seattle’s only superhero. Half an hour later, Passive Aggressive Man appeared on the rooftop of the police station and, when asked why he was [...]
Published: January 20, 2009
Outgoing President Bush Leaves Booby Traps in White House |
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WASHINGTON D.C. – Newly inaugurated President Obama sat down in his chair in the Oval Office for the first time today, only to yelp as he sat on a thumbtack that had been left there by outgoing President Bush, White House sources say. After jumping out of his seat, Obama picked up the thumbtack and [...]
Published: January 1, 2009
Point Break Deserved an Oscar |
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The one thing that’s on every American’s mind right now is the poor choice of a winner for Best Picture at the 1992 Academy Awards. Instead of Point Break, an insightful, deeply moving picture about the extremes that surfers have to go to in a poor economy to support their spiritual journeys, the Academy chose [...]
Published: January 1, 2009
Campbell's Plans Bailout of U.S. Government |
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By Markus Fleisch (pretending to be Jill McKay) WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a surprise move from the maverick soup maker, Campbell Soup Company announced Thursday that they were working with U.S. lawmakers on a plan to bailout the federal government. The news comes as no surprise to jittery investors who have seen Campbell’s stock decline [...]
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