Man Comes Into Large Quantity of Wine

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Published: August 19, 2009
42-15200681
Man Comes Into Large Quantity of Wine

Young man sitting on chair in corner of a room, holding bottle of champagne --- Image by © Neil Guegan/Corbis  | read this item

By Aaron Kase WEST BRANCH, IA – Local man Dave Huggins came into a large quantity of wine last Friday and invited all his friends over to celebrate. “There was a big tasting at work,” Huggins said, referring to the Wallace Winery where he is a janitor

“Cash for Clunkers” Program Infuses Billions, New Life into Foundering Health Industry

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Published: August 6, 2009
Best if used by...
"Cash for Clunkers" Program Infuses Billions, New Life into Foundering Health Industry  | read this item

By David Sherrell WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration has recently unveiled what is fast becoming their most popular and lucrative stimulus program so far

Decrease in Police Brutality Leads to Increase in Wussy Cops

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Published: July 14, 2009
Hott Fuzz
Decrease in Police Brutality Leads to Increase in Wussy Cops  | read this item

By Jamie Vaughan BOSTON – A number of recently conducted studies indicate a worrisome trend affecting law enforcement agencies today.

So ’50s Chic: Segregation Alive and Well in the City of Brotherly Love!

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Published: July 10, 2009
So '50s Chic: Segregation Alive and Well in the City of Brotherly Love!  | read this item

(CNN) — A Philadelphia-area day care center said Thursday that members of a private swim club made racist comments about the center’s children, and the club then canceled their swimming privileges.

Vince Young Demands Trade to University of Texas Longhorns

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Published: July 1, 2009
Apparently, you CAN go home again
Vince Young Demands Trade to University of Texas Longhorns  | read this item

By Michael Catania NASHVILLE – Embattled and mercurial Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young, who recently demanded Titans management either install him as the team’s starting QB or trade him

Africa Officially Declared a Country; Geographically-Challenged Americans Heave Sigh of Relief

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Published: June 2, 2009
Africountry
Africa Officially Declared a Country; Geographically-Challenged Americans Heave Sigh of Relief  | read this item

By David Sherrell DUBUQUE, IA – In a move designed to alleviate increasing concerns over the average American student’s near-total ignorance of world geography, the U.S. Dept. of Education has issued a directive to U.S. teachers declaring the fabled land of Africa a “country.”

Bless Mother Earth! Yowza!

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Published: June 1, 2009
LumberChas
Bless Mother Earth! Yowza!  | read this item

By Chas Morris Yorzan Woo doggie, it’s been a while! Sorry I have not written in some time. So much has

Dick Cheney to Star in New Talk Show

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Published: June 1, 2009
Dick Cheney to Star in New Talk Show  | read this item

By Ami Manik Former Vice President Dick Cheney launched a new talk show, “Dicktates” on the Fox network, funded by a bailout for the failing non-liberal media. The show promises to show a sassier side of the former veep by airing various segments for the everyday real American, such as “How to Love Freedom” and [...]

Ask Bobby Jindal

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Published: May 1, 2009
Ask Bobby
Ask Bobby Jindal  | read this item

Dear Bobby Jindal, My roommate’s grooming habits are absolutely disgusting. I don’t know how he does it, but after waking up he goes from his bedroom to the bathroom to the kitchen and out the door, leaving a path of destruction in his wake-fingernail clippings, beard hairs, toothpaste globs, coffee spills, flecks of bread that [...]

Ask the Director of Speed

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Published: April 1, 2009
Speedy Advice
Ask the Director of Speed  | read this item

Dear The Director of Speed, My boyfriend and I often argue about action movies. This weekend I want to see 12 Rounds but he wants to see the midnight showing of What the Bleep Do We Know? at the local indie theater. He’s working on his law degree, so when I suggested that we go [...]

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