Published: February 26, 2011
Nescafé Products Drugged, Says Despot; In Other News, Nescafé Sales Skyrocket |
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TRIPOLI – Beleaguered food company Nestlé received a surprise PR boost this week from Libyan dictator Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi. Nestlé, a once-proud corporate giant, in recent years has suffered from disappointing sales, particularly with Nescafé, a brand of instant coffee that is a poor substitute for real coffee and tastes like crap.
Published: December 2, 2010
Man Seeks Divorce from Reality, Citing Irreconcilable DifferencesCouple Facing Off ca. 2003 |
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After nearly 10 years of wedded life, Jeremy Waters of Midtown, IN has filed for divorce from Reality. The move has come as a shock to few who know the couple, asWaters and Reality have been legally separated for the past year, and most did not see much possibility for reconciliation between the two.
Published: November 8, 2010
Big Brother Is Watching You |
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THE KITCHEN – Your annoying older sibling is at it again. Big Brother keeps staring across the dinner table at you, while you calmly ignore him and continue to eat your meatloaf. He is so trying to annoy you. Does he have to chew with his mouth open
Published: October 5, 2010
Man Touched by Angel Presses Charges |
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Missoula, MT — A local man has accused his guardian angel of making unwanted sexual advances. Wayne Flekker, 39, told reporters he was asleep in his bed early Tuesday morning when he “felt something touching me.” Upon awaking, he discovered Zerachiel, an androgynous being of energy and light
Published: February 11, 2010
Do you like sappy movies? |
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LITTLE ROCK – Authorities remain stumped by a mystery note shoved under the front door of local resident Carl Hader earlier this morning. Investigating officers cannot decide whether the anonymous message, which contains such phrases as “I melt when you smile,” “I am always watching you,” and “I want to hold your still-beating, bloody heart [...]
Published: January 5, 2010
Monkey Genius an Idiot, Claim Irate Scientists |
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GENEVA – Following much suspense and promise, the Hack Institute, an elite team of scientists dedicated to testing the possibilities of the Infinite Monkey Theorem, announced today that their most recent experiment has ended in failure.
Published: December 29, 2009
Poland Spring Unveils New, Cholesterol-Free Water |
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Poland Spring now joins the health-conscious trend sweeping America, as it releases its latest innovation in the competitive field of rehydration: cholesterol-free bottled water.
Published: December 14, 2009
Super Mario Blunders |
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MUSHROOM KINGDOM – Troubled celebrity and part-time public works contractor Mario was arrested downtown yesterday, following dozens of complaints about his causing havoc in the city’s sanitation system, diving down sewage drains to collect small change and assaulting citizens by jumping or viciously stomping on them.
Published: December 4, 2009
Rare Carnivorous Moustache Strikes Again |
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RAINELLE, WV – Local law enforcement is warning residents throughout Greenbrier County to stay indoors, after the discovery of yet another victim in the rampage of a dangerous rogue moustache.
Published: November 30, 2009
Nigerians Warned of Latest American Internet ScamMaasai Man Using a Laptop Computer --- Image by © Solus-Veer/Corbis |
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ABUJA – The Nigerian government has issued a warning to its citizens, following a recent upsurge in email spam from overseas locations. Most of the internet traffic has been traced back to the United States of America, a troubled North American nation with a floundering economy.
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