Published: October 2, 2009
Steal This Show |
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LOS ANGELES, CA – LAPD arrested area resident Ben Turley late yesterday, in connection with the theft of the hit television show The Big Bang Theory. Turley, 26, has since been charged with stealing over 1,200 shows over a period of 10 years.
Published: September 25, 2009
Mad Tasty! |
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OMAHA, NE – New pizzeria Psycho Pizza is focusing the local community’s attention on mental disorders, giving victims of these debilitating behavorial patterns a voice in the national debate on healthcare.
Published: September 18, 2009
Hubble Dinger |
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PHILLIPS, ME – In a move certain to generate controversy within the orthodox “End Is Nigh” community, local astronomy hobbyist Adam Dinger has predicted that the world will not end in 2010.
Published: September 11, 2009
Keys, please... |
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CAMBRIDGE, MA – After more than a year of research, a team consisting of the most brilliant minds at MIT has finally closed the long-debated question of where stuff is when you lose it.
Published: September 4, 2009
Go fish! |
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At long last, Thomas Farley’s 10-year search for his beloved goldfish, Thaddeus Maximilian Huxley, has come to a joyous conclusion. Man and fish were reunited on September 4th, 2009 in a tearful display of emotion and relief.
Published: August 25, 2009
Town Mourns Mediocre Man |
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MORGAN HILL, CA – Michael O’Rally, born July 3rd, 1974, a somewhat passable employee of the local Kinko’s, was laid to rest at Mount Hope Cemetery yesterday, with memorial services held at St. Catherine’s Church.
Published: August 10, 2009
The Garlic Press Victim to Hacker From the Daily Show |
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By Alexa Darrin* It was recently discovered that, in a blatant yet cunning move, the Daily Show has stolen sensitive material from the toiling minds at the Garlic Press.
Published: August 4, 2009
Homeless Vegetarian Caught With Big Mac |
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BEAVERTON, OR – Harvey Portowitz, a homeless man who has become somewhat of a fixture on the corner of First and Cedar over the past few years, was recently spotted at a local McDonald’s ordering a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, which he then proceeded to Super Size.
Published: July 31, 2009
EPA Offends Mormons, Prius Owners |
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STOCKTON, CA – The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints brought suit against the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) today for obscenity.
