Gay Couple Disappointed in Marriage

By Guest Contributor

Published: November 2, 2009

By Aaron Kase

AMES, IA – Bernard Collins and Cory Richards have been together for nearly 30 years. They claim they fell in love at first sight, have never strayed from each other, and have shared a house for the last 25 of those years. They are as committed to each other as you can get, and, this May, they hit a new milestone in their relationship: They got married.

In a landmark ruling, Iowa’s Supreme Court legalized gay marriage on April 3 of this year, and marriage licenses became available to same-sex couples on the 27th of that month. That’s when Collins asked Richards to marry him.

“It was very romantic,” says Richards. “He took me to the park, got down on one knee and everything. Of course I said yes.”

The couple made their vows and signed their license in front of a judge in Des Moines on May 6. In subsequent months, however, the two have found that marriage isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be.

“After the excitement wore off, and the adrenaline of our first night as husband and husband subsided, I started to wonder, Is this really any different?” complains Richards. “I mean, when we went to sleep that night, Bernard started up snoring, just like he does every night. Shouldn’t that change once you get married?”

“Yeah, but get this,” Collins counters. “Cory never empties the sink strainer. Never. It might be filled up with food scraps and garbage, but can he take two seconds to empty it into the trash can? Apparently not. It’s like he just takes it for granted that I’ll do it. Now that I’m his husband you’d think he’d be a little more considerate.”

“Oh for god’s sake,” says Richards. “You’ve been going on about that strainer for 20 years. Get over it already.”

“Don’t talk to your husband that way!” Collins answers. “And how about taking out the kitty litter for once in your life? For crying out loud.”

“The worst part,” Richards continues, “is I think he’s starting to let himself go. Bernard used to go to the gym twice a week, with daily runs, but that’s really slacked off the last few months. I think he’s gained 10 pounds! Is that what I signed up for, to be married to a blob?”

The couple mentions that the community reaction to their marriage hasn’t lived up to their expectations, either. “A few friends did call to congratulate us,” Collins says, “But we didn’t get any wedding presents or anything like that. And the other day, we were taking a walk, holding hands, and a bunch of Iowa State frat boys drove by and called us ‘fags’ out the window.” He rolls his eyes. “Real original, guys. You know, we’ve been getting that for 30 years. But now that we’re married you’d think they’d show a little more respect.”

Despite their struggles with married life, the couple say they aren’t planning to get divorced any time soon. “No, I guess I’m stuck with him now,” Richards sighs. “I’m resigned to it. Now we have to deal with married people choices, like what style table settings should we get, and whether or not to have kids.”