Congress Passes Defense of Weddings Act, Crazy Brides Chill Out

By Jill McKay

Published: May 1, 2009

WASHINGTON – Giving into pressure from their angry constituents, the Senate today passed the Defense of Weddings Act (DOWA), which the House of Representatives passed last week by an overwhelming majority. The bill is intended to curtail the influence of Big Wedding.

Senator Olympia Snowe (R-ME), one of the authors of the bill said, “Big Wedding has been spreading lies for decades and it’s about time we did something about it. You don’t actually have to match your tablecloths to your cake to your party favors to your invitations. Your guests won’t die if you don’t serve them kosher, halal, low-carb, low-sugar food without any trace of peanuts. It’s just not true and it’s about time the American people stood up and said, enough! Keep your laws out of my wedding reception!”

DOWA is the most bipartisan bill passed by Congress since the November elections with only four dissenters in the House and seven dissenters in the Senate. Congressman Ron Paul (R-TX) said, “My daughter just about had a nervous breakdown when she found out the lace on her doilies didn’t exactly match the lace on her wedding dress. I tried telling her that no one would notice, but she told me she’d read in Texas Brides that matching lace was the most important about your wedding.” He added, “Also, abolish the income tax.”

President Obama plans to sign the bill into law when it reaches his desk next week. He said, “Malia said to me the other day, ‘Dad if I want to get married at the National Mall we’re going to have to reserve it now.’ She’s only 10! The nefarious plot run by The Knot, Modern Bride, and OCD Weddings Monthly stops now.”