Local Pedophile Taking New Relationship Slow

By Brooks Sherman

Published: August 31, 2009

ROCKPORT, MA – Gary Thorpe reports that he is taking things with his new love interest, Susan Kent, slow for the time being. Thorpe, 53, has been seeing Kent, 12, for about three weeks now, but “doesn’t want to rush things,” electing not to let the lovely young lady see him in return. Still, Thorpe says as he lowers the night vision binoculars he uses to peer into the apple-of-his-eye’s parents’ home, he thinks that Kent “might be the one.”

When meeting new people, Thorpe admits, he can often be shy, and reluctant to share details about himself, like his legal status as a pederast with a criminal record. “I like to think of myself as a person first, and a child molester second,” he explains. “My hobbies shouldn’t be the only things defining me.” Even now, at the beginning of this love affair, Thorpe has his moments of self-doubt. “Ah, who am I kidding?” he mumbles. “She probably doesn’t even know I exist.” He concedes that this may be in part because he has taken great pains to remain inconspicuous around the adorable Kent and her family, posing at times as an ice cream truck vendor or dog-walker.

“If only I knew how to take things to the next level without it getting awkward,” he says wistfully. “I don’t want to be seen as ‘that creepy old guy.’ Especially by my parole officer.”