White Supremacists Protest Obama’s Lack of Nazi Qualifications

By Brooks Sherman

Published: August 21, 2009

Neo-Nazi organizations and Ku Klux Klan chapters across the country are criticizing recent claims that U.S. President Barack Obama is either a Nazi or throwing his support behind policies advancing the tenets of National Socialism. Once-exuberant extremists are now abandoning town hall meetings in droves, upon learning that the President’s proposed health care plan in no way authorizes any ethnic cleansing, or even a simple eugenics program.

“When I first heard there were going to be ‘death panels,’ I was thrilled,” says disappointed skinhead Tucker Ainsely, alluding to the term first introduced by former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. “But when I looked closely at the fine print, there was no mention of anything like that in the bill.”

Rumors that the President was now sporting a Hitler moustache have been similarly debunked, revealed as nothing more than a clever Photoshop publicity stunt.

“People hear that an idea is ‘Socialist,’” gripes Theodore Dunn, national director of the Crusaders of the Ku Klux Klan, “and then automatically associate it with ‘National Socialist.’ There’s a lot of misinformation out there; it’s just so frustrating.”

Following these revelations, the President’s approval rating among rightwing hate groups has plummeted, with many disenchanted white supremacists now accusing him of extreme tolerance. The National Socialist White People’s Party has officially withdrawn its support, issuing the following harsh statement: “Barack Obama has no understanding of what it means to truly be a Nazi. One would almost suspect that his heart is not really in it.”

The long-term fallout for the President remains to be seen, but many believe this scandal could cost Palin the valuable wingnut vote, should she ever again seek public office.