Things in Burma “Probably Okay Now” Reports U.S. Department of State

By Joel Turner

Published: January 1, 2009

RANGOON – Fifteen months after the conflict in Burma found its way to the world’s center stage, the United States Department of State has lifted all travel bans and advisories for southeast Asia’s largest country, stating that things are “probably okay now” within its borders.

For years, Burma’s military-led government has systematically stripped all citizens’ rights to political expression. The government’s ruthless tactics were met with resistance from a coalition of Burmese monks. Their demonstrations and subsequent torture brought a long-lasting but largely unreported conflict to the attention of the outside world. The government has been diligent in curbing journalistic freedom within the country. Foreign journalists have little to no access; as a result, the true state of affairs within the borders of the country remain sketchy.

But the State Department asserts that things are mostly likely okay now. “There is no evidence to suggest that widespread oppression and unlawful imprisonment of innocent Burmese citizens is taking place at this time,” reports J. David Ureli, the State Department’s deputy spokesperson. “We have tried really hard to find any negative news coming out of the country, but our efforts have bore no fruit.” When asked if the State Department’s confidence that conditions are improving is based on a “no news is good news” approach, Mr. Ureli responded by inserting his index fingers into his ears, closing his eyes, writhing his head to and fro, blathering “lalalaladedaaahhhh!”

Despite the State Department’s confidence in the political and social stability of the Burmese state, many non-governmental organizations such as Save the Children and Amnesty International counter that conditions within the country have in no way improved. They have reported that citizens are still being imprisoned without cause, tortured, and in some cases, killed.

These organizations, in addition to countless others, have submitted letters demanding that the State Department recant its previous statements. In response, the State Department issued a statement saying that organizations like Amnesty International have “a history of taking on a ‘glass is half empty’ approach” and that these organizations are “in dire need of an attitude adjustment.”