Ethiopia Airlifts Food, Aid to New Jersey as American Economic Crisis Worsens

By Brooks Sherman

Published: January 1, 2009

NEWARK – A mission of hope for the New Year disintegrated into anarchy today, after the first Air Ethiopia emergency relief plane to land at Newark International Airport was met by an unruly mob. Ethiopia is the newest member in the coalition of African, Asian, and South American countries pledged to combat the growing chaos in the poverty-stricken nation of the United States of America. Yet what was to have been an orderly distribution of emergency supplies rapidly deteriorated into an all out riot. The desperate mass of humanity overwhelmed U.N. Peacekeepers and local security forces alike as it surged onto the tarmac, surrounding the aircraft within minutes of its arrival. Sacks of rice, grain, and fruit were tossed aside and trampled in the rush as looters fought over the necessities: iPhones, Nintendo Wii units, and plasma televisions.

Since its inception, the United States has been a country troubled by ethnic tensions and civil unrest. The former British colony has already suffered one catastrophic civil war, and Southern separatists threaten regularly to “rise again.” The last several years have seen a drastic escalation in religious fundamentalism and unemployment among younger Americans, leading to violent clashes between such extremist groups as Jehovah’s Witnesses and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. In the meantime, the plummeting value of the dollar, the national currency, has prompted millions of inhabitants to begin hoarding euros, pesos, and maple syrup.

With no end to the American crisis in sight, Mexico and Canada have begun to more rigidly police their borders in an attempt to stem the flood of illegal American immigrants, and the number of American refugees fleeing to China has forced authorities there to introduce stricter visa regulations. Cuba and Iran, meanwhile, have both severed diplomatic relations and imposed economic sanctions against the United States, citing the nation’s atrocious human rights record and obstinate defiance of U.N. directives; Iran has furthermore threatened military action if the American government does not dismantle its nuclear program and allow weapons inspectors into the country. Leaders worldwide, hoping to avert a more serious conflict, are now calling upon American President George W. Bush to relinquish his eight-year hold on power and allow the democratically elected opposition leader, Barack Obama, to assume office.

In spite of the initial setback to relief efforts, Kelile Sissay, the Ethiopian commander of Mission AmericAid, remains optimistic about American reconstruction prospects. “The situation may become worse before it gets better,” admitted Mr. Sissay to reporters outside the airport, looking on as his team picked through skeletal remains of the plundered Air Ethiopia plane. “But we have contracted an American partner here on the ground, and he assures us that under his management all future drop-offs will be inventoried and delivered to the right places with consistent results. This Mr. Madoff seems quite capable.”