Man Seeks Divorce from Reality, Citing Irreconcilable Differences

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Published: December 2, 2010

After nearly 10 years of wedded life, Jeremy Waters of Midtown, IN has filed for divorce from Reality. The move has come as a shock to few who know the couple, asWaters and Reality have been legally separated for the past year, and most did not see much possibility for reconciliation between the two.

In his statement of reasons, Waters describes Reality as “harsh,” “cold,” and “a real buzz-killer.”  Reality, however, has shot back with complaints as well, including accusations that Waters was often unfaithful over the course of their relationship. Reality specifically cites a long-standing affair Waters allegedly had with Fantasy, claiming that the two engaged in countless rendezvous, as often as “several times a day” in some instances.

Waters, while acknowledging his own guilt, defends his actions with the argument that he and Reality were “on a break” at the time, and maintains, in what many consider to be a low blow, that “Fantasy has always been better than Reality.” He insists, however, that he is not the bad guy in this story, pointing out that Reality has a long history of prior relationships that have also ended badly.

It wasn’t always like this between the pair. Waters admits that, when they first met, years ago, he had been excited by what his future with Reality might hold. But, after years of disappointment, and Waters drifting from job to dead-end job, he says he began to feel like Reality had stopped believing in him. He says that, on some mornings, “It was hard just to wake up and face Reality.”

In the months since their separation, Reality has reportedly sought solace in the arms of several billion other people; Waters, on the other hand, claims he is “currently playing the field,” seeing various partners with a no-strings-attached policy. “I’m just up for something casual and fun,” he says, insisting that he’s “not really looking to get tied down right now.”

There is some speculation, however, that he has entered into a committed relationship with Heroin.