Smokey Bear Unveils New Public Service Announcement: “Only YOU Can Prevent Wildfires… And If You Don’t, I Will Maul You.”

By Brooks Sherman

Published: November 9, 2009

YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK – Smokey Bear, longstanding lobbyist for the influential U.S. Forest Service and the National Association of State Foresters, publicly revealed today the powerful new slogan behind which these two firms are now uniting to more effectively wage the ongoing War on Wildfire.

An illustrious figure in Washington, Mr. Bear is known for his folksy public appearances with politicians and Boy Scouts, as well as his tireless advocacy of exercising aggressive preemptive force in detecting weapons of mundane destruction.

Mr. Bear’s announcement came as a surprise to few on Capitol Hill, as this is not the first time he has revised his campaign message. His familiar declaration, “Only YOU can prevent forest fires”, was updated in 2001 to address “wildfires,” in order to indicate the expansion of target objectives.

In response to queries as to the reasons behind what some perceive as an even sharper, more forceful direction in the War on Wildfire, Mr. Bear said: “Look, we would love to simply trust the American public to be proactive in helping to protect the environment. But study results consistently demonstrate that people are more inclined to do the right thing when they believe that refusing to do so would result in punishment—the punishment in this case being my savagely ripping off one of your arms and devouring it in front of you as you and your loved ones watch on in unimaginable horror.”