The Garlic Press Takes Stock of Its Readership

By Brooks Sherman

Published: April 1, 2009

The editorial staff of The Garlic Press convened this morning to go over their monthly reader statistics. Webmaster Markus Fleisch announced that, according to his research, five people had visited the Garlic Press website in the last 30 days.

President-for-Life Brooks Sherman angrily interrupted Markus, protesting that these findings indicated that “aside from you, Jill, Joel, and me, we only have one outside reader!”

It was at this point that Photoshop General/Future-Presidential-Assassin Jill McKay confessed that she only submitted her own articles, and rarely visited the actual website itself.

Chief Political Analyst Joel Turner excitedly pointed out that this meant there were now two outside readers, so their readership had, in effect, just doubled — whereupon Brooks sucker-punched him.