Apple iPhone Creates A Gazillion New Apps

By Joel Turner

Published: April 1, 2009

SAN FRANCISCO – In a concerted effort to make the iPhone the “do all” portable device, Apple has announced that their widely popular mobile phone now has an application for virtually everything in the universe. In addition to the iPhone’s recent and popular applications including “Where did I park?” and “Zombieville USA”, Apple is now releasing such apps as “Erase My Massive Credit Card Debt” and “Clean My Neglected Toilet” applications.

“Here at Apple, we try to look at things differently,” remarks Apple spokesperson Jerrod Smithe. “In that spirit, we have now added approximately 17 million new applications for our iPhone users, thereby allowing them to perform any conceivable action known to humankind.”

Not all new applications are ready for iPhone users, however. Such new applications as the “Back to the Future, Literally” and the “Evict My Raucous 21 Year Old Neighbors” applications still require congressional approval but are expected to be available to users soon. Other applications include “Key the Car” which will allow one to press their iPhone against the side of a double parked Lexus and leave a very expensive and noticeable key mark on the side of the car.

Smithe warns that Apple is not responsible for any pressed charges or ass kickings that may result from the use of the myriad applications. “Here at Apple, we are visionaries, but by no means are we bail bondsmen.”