Oprah, P.I.

By Brooks Sherman

Published: January 1, 2009

CHICAGO – In the wake of yet another fictitious memoir scandal, famed television personality and media mogul Oprah Winfrey announced today that she is renouncing her duties as a talk show host, magazine publisher, and philanthropist for the foreseeable future. She is now choosing to focus her efforts on personally investigating the authenticity of alleged memoirs before endorsing them. Ms. Winfrey will use her multibillion-dollar fortune to fund a state of the art technological arsenal to aid in her mission, dropping the identity of “Oprah Winfrey” to operate instead under the codename “Hyena.” In order to wring the truth from potential authors, the Hyena will engage in all interrogation tactics necessary, up to and including waterboarding, so that she may finally discover “the single greatest-and-truest love story” for her fans. Should she be caught or killed, Oprah’s Book Club will disavow any knowledge of her actions.