Domestic Terrorists Demand Government Bailout

By Brooks Sherman

Published: February 1, 2009

HELENA, MT – Members of the Independent Nation of Fletcher’s Cabin, a radical anarchist commune based near Whitlash, MT, are seeking a bailout from the federal government, claiming that the ongoing economic crunch has drastically limited their ability to function. “How can we be expected to topple the corrupt, socialist pinkos in power, if they refuse to help us in our time of need?” insists Randall Fletcher, the commune’s spokesman (and owner).

The INFC brought their case yesterday to the Montana State Legislature in Helena, where both houses, to the shock of many, voted unanimously in a closed-door, emergency meeting to present the group’s demands to Congress. House Speaker Bob Bergen (D) fielded questions by telephone afterward, responding to the vast number of petitions by outraged state residents for the case to be dropped with the exasperated statement, “Look, what can we do? Our hands are tied!”

“No, seriously,” he added, before the line went dead. “Send help.”