Outgoing President Bush Leaves Booby Traps in White House

Outgoing President Bush Leaves Booby Traps in White House thumbnail
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Published: January 20, 2009

WASHINGTON D.C. – Newly inaugurated President Obama sat down in his chair in the Oval Office for the first time today, only to yelp as he sat on a thumbtack that had been left there by outgoing President Bush, White House sources say.

After jumping out of his seat, Obama picked up the thumbtack and walked toward the door, but when he stepped on the Oval Office rug, he fell into a pit of hissing snakes. Secret Service agents fished Obama out of the dirt pit, which Bush had dug in his spare time, then took him to the White House doctor. The doctor examined Obama, removing the small snake that stubbornly clung to his nose, and determined that the snakes were harmless.

Witnesses say Obama announced, “I’m not going to let a few snakes get me down!” and briskly walked to the Roosevelt room, where he was greeted by a herd of Texas cattle chewing the newly hung painting of Franklin Roosevelt.

Obama then ran screaming to his bedroom and shut the door. Secret Service Agents posted outside rushed into the master bedroom when they heard a scream. They found Obama huddled on the floor, trembling in front of the TV, which was blaring Fox News. Obama had apparently been the victim of an elaborate Rube Goldberg device involving a pretzel, a picture of President Bush with deceased former Enron CEO Ken Lay, and an empty keg, among other things.

When asked by reporters about the booby traps, former President Bush chuckled, “No comment” from his ranch in Crawford, Texas. President Obama is currently undergoing psychiatric treatment.