Big Brother Is Watching You

By Brooks Sherman

Published: August 30, 2009

THE KITCHEN – Your annoying older sibling is at it again: Big Brother keeps staring across the dinner table at you, as you calmly ignore him and continue to eat your meatloaf. He is so trying to annoy you. Does he have to chew with his mouth open like that, so you can see all his food get mashed into a gross paste? Yes, yes he does, because he is Big Brother, and he is a totally immature dweeboid. Great, there he goes, sticking his tongue out at you with meatloaf-and-peas paste on it. What a loser. What a pathetic, spastic, retardomatic loser. Oh, come on! Now he is deliberately reaching his hand over the table’s dividing line, onto your side, smirking, just goading you to react. God, WHAT is his problem? He is SUCH a freak! AGH! Big Brother is watching you!

He is also tapping your phone.