Cardinals “Not a Real Team,” Reports Depressed Eagles Fan

Cardinals “Not a Real Team,” Reports Depressed Eagles Fan thumbnail
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Published: February 1, 2009

PHILADELPHIA – Wanda Kowalski, a devoted Philadelphia Eagles fan and part-time cosmetology student is convinced that the Arizona Cardinals are not actually a real NFL team.

“I just don’t understand why more people haven’t figured this out before. The fact that the NFL is going to let a bunch of golfers from the desert play in the Super Bowl makes me want to break something over someone else’s head.”

On January 18th, the Arizona Cardinals defeated the Philadelphia Eagles in the NFC Championship game, securing their first appearance ever in a Super Bowl showdown. Led by Quarterback Kurt Warner, the Cardinals boast a starting lineup of NFL veterans and highly sought-after rookies.

But Kowalski is still pretty certain that the Cardinals aren’t a real team. “Until the morning of the NFC Championship game, I had never heard of these ‘Arizona Cardinals.’ Frankly, I thought that Football was outlawed down there by Mexico.”

When asked what proof she has to verify that the Cardinals are not a real team, Kowalski replied, “have you ever heard of them?”

Kowalski drafted a petition to the commissioner of the National Football League, demanding the unconditional forfeit of the “fake football club” which has “ruined the lives of every Philly sports fan.” Despite the petition, all reports indicate that not only will the Arizona Cardinals play the Pittsburgh Steelers this evening in Florida, but that they will seriously beat the Steeler’s asses, 49-13.