New Mexico Requests Federal Funding to Make it Not Such a Shithole

By Joel Turner

Published: June 2, 2009

WASHINGTON, DC – The House of Representatives yesterday passed a bill which aims to provide key stimulus funds to the state of New Mexico, hoping that the financial boost will make the state less of a shithole.

Riding on the coattails of a massive bailout to financial institutions and a stimulus package that teeters close to one trillion dollars, an overwhelming majority in the House feel that HR 119–referred to as the “Pimp My New Mexico” bill–will not only help citizens of the United States’ least desirable state, but the entire nation as a whole.

“As the saying goes, we are only as strong as our weakest link,” remarks Rep. Tom Cole R-OK. “And let’s face it: New Mexico is pretty lame. It’s like the Mexico of the United States. And lord knows we don’t need more of that!”

The “Pimp My New Mexico” bill asks for $200,000 of taxpayer money to make all adjustments necessary to overhaul the state’s devastating image deficiency. The House version of the bill allocates $100,000 for urban development, which will facilitate the construction of a visitor information kiosk and public water fountain in downtown Truth or Consequences, NM, population 6,689.

The remaining $100,000 will go to building a petting zoo in Farmington, the state’s sixth largest city.

“When I found out the state had not a single petting zoo, I thought, ‘something is wrong with this picture,’” comments Rep. Jim Himes D-CT. “Every state needs a place for people to touch animals.”

The bill moves to the Senate next week, where it is expected to pass.