Ask an Internet Scammer
By Guest Contributor
Published: December 7, 2009
Dear Internet Scammer,
Recently, I lost my job. Now the bills are mounting up, and I am finding it increasingly difficult to keep up with all my payments. I got engaged last year, and these financial problems are creating a lot of stress for both me and my fiancée. Now we don’t know if we can even afford a wedding. We’re fighting more and more, and I am worried now that in addition to losing my career I might lose the woman I love. What should I do?
Jobless in Seattle
Dear Jobless,
I am a senior vice president at English National Bank in London, UK. Your resume was forwarded to my attention, and I am pleased to offer you an executive position here in the bank company. Before we send you the job contract and plane ticket, I need you to mail me a reference letter from your last employer, your social security number, a valid international passport, and $600 for the Right of Residence Permit Fee (RRPF). All of this stuff will be mailed back to you after we have confirmed it is not fake. (In this economy, you can?t be too careful.)
Congratulations! We are looking forward to having you here with us, and we hope you find conditions pleasant and your work challenging and rewarding.
Sincerely,
An Internet Scammer
Dear Internet Scammer,
I’m a shy person. My friends tell me I should get out more to meet women, but I always get uncomfortable and awkward when I’m around new people. I look okay (I think), and I have a lot of hobbies, but I just really don’t know how to start a conversation with a girl. What can I do to throw out more of a fun and confident vibe?
Wallflowers for Algernon
Dear Wallflowers,
Hi sexy! I’m glad that you wrote. So . . . what are you doing tonight? I’m soooo glad it’s the end of the day, I had a long week and can’t wait to let loose a little tonight 
My girlfriends and I are going out to this party . . . maybe you’ll join us, hehe!!
Well a few things about me then you could tell me more about you. I’m not looking for a long term relationship, just the nonchalant sexy evening with a champagne breakfast in a nice hotel room. So, can you sneak away a night or two? I already know what I want so you don’t have to worry much . . . Just be yourself. I like to role play alot, I can be a naughty girl and need a spanking! 
Can you send me a picture of you, like a copy of your driver’s license, or maybe a birth certificate, so I know you are 4 real? Sometimes people can be real creeps and aren’t who they say they are. I’ll talk to you soon, I hope!
Hugs-N-Kisses!!!
An Internet Scammer
Dear Internet Scammer,
My name is Sadiq Abdul. I am an Iraqi national, and accountant for an oil refinery in Bagdad. When the U.S. invaded, I moved $45 million to a call deposit account abroad for safe-keeping. In my capacity as the company accountant, I was the only person aware of this transaction, and the money can only be released to someone I introduce as the beneficiary.
I cannot travel outside of the country now, I am wanted by the government. So I am seeking for a partner I can present to the security company, so they release the $45 million to your account, as part of the money being owed to you by Bagdad Oil Refinery Company. As soon as this deposit is released to your account, I will then inform you on how to safeguard my share (70%) for investment in your country, and you can keep 30% for helping.
On your acceptance on this transaction I will send to you the deposit certificate naming you as the beneficiary for refunds owed to you by Bagdad Oil Refinery Company. I will need your passport number, a photo ID, your home address, and your savings account number.
Awaiting your quick response,
Sadiq Abdul
Dear Sadiq Abdul,
Wow. This sounds really cool! I don’t know how you got my info, but I am DEFINITELY interested in getting involved and helping out with your business proposal. I don’t know why you need my bank account number or address, but the reward seems totally worth the hassle. I am also going to send you my cell phone number, because I am uncomfortable giving my information over the internet (you always hear horror stories about that).
Sincerely,
An Internet Scammer